Father Conner advises women not to marry a man who has no friends, who is controlling or irresponsible with money, who is overly attached to his mother, or who has no sense of humor. He lists so many qualities to avoid, in fact, that some women responded despairingly that he'd "eliminated everyone."

Not yet...

The column generated a hailstorm of letters to the editor, including a twice-divorced woman telling Father Conner had only scratched the surface. She warns women:

Never marry a man who yells at you in front of his friends.

Never marry a man who is more affectionate in public than in private.

Never marry a man who notices all of your faults but never notices his own.

Never marry a man whose first wife had to sue him for child support.

Never marry a man who corrects you in public.

Never marry a man who sends birthday cards to his ex-girlfriends.

Never marry a man who doesn't treat his dog nicely.

Never marry a man who is rude to waiters.

Never marry a man who doesn't love music.

Never marry a man whose plants are all dead.

Never marry a man your mother doesn't like.

Never marry a man your children don't like.

Never marry a man who hates his job.

But the problem with the "never marry a man..." list is that it approaches the notion of an ideal man from a purely negative context.

Rather than telling my daughter what to beware of, I'd suggest that she marry a gentleman. But then what, exactly, is a "gentleman" in this day and age?

British born American writer Oliver Herford once remarked that a gentleman is someone "who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally." (This is always said with a "wink-wink, nudge-nudge," so that the listener understands that it's still okay, provided the insult is intended and the recipient deserving.)

Another wag defined a gentleman as, "someone who knows how to play the accordion, but chooses not to."

Hmm. I think we need a bit more specificity. And in that department, it's hard to top John Walter Wayland's definition written back in 1899:

"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity compels him to humble another; who does not flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of his own possessions or achievements; who speaks with frankness but always with sincerity and sympathy; whose deed follows his word; who thinks of the rights and feelings of others, rather than his own; and who appears well in any company, a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."

Perhaps the important thing for all single men and women is to look inward and cultivate these qualities of character.

Doing so would certainly make them worthy to receive the affections of their ideal mate, should they ever have the good fortune of encountering him or her.

One final note... you may have seen that Dr. Randy Pausch - whom I wrote about several months ago - finally succumbed to pancreatic cancer last month at 47.

He, too, struggled with these questions and left behind this time capsule of advice for his daughter Chloe, now 2:

"When men are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do."

• 5 things men crave that women don't know about -- Nothing in the world is more exhilarating for a man than these -- and if you give them to him, you'll have his undying devotion.  (See pages 106-110)

• The main reason why men choose to get married (or stay married) to a particular woman.  This can be summed up in 5 words.  Carve these words in your heart and never forget them. (See page 20)

• The powerful ability a woman possesses that causes men to be interested in her -- even if she isn’t the tallest, smartest, or the most beautiful woman around.  Not even looks, sex appeal, money, power, or prestige rate as high as this ability when it comes to making yourself irresistible to men -- and you can easily have it with a little practice. (See page 33)

• Do you know what's the No. 1 "man repellant" in existence?  Ignore this and you'll make him feel incapable of being your hero.  This could very well be a major reason as to why "he's just not that into you."  (See page 27)
   

• How to speak in a way that hypnotizes a man into feeling safe so that he'll allow you to influence him with no resistance.  (See page 16)
   

• How to be yourself and still be loved by a man – I'll show you how to find the courage to be imperfect and be loved in spite of it -- and teach you how to remove the “layers’ that keep a man from knowing and loving you.  (See page 64)
   

• Pinpoint exactly what you’re doing that makes men NOT want to be close to you.  How to tell if you're unknowingly sending off a signal that says "You can only get this close, and that's it."  (See page 8)
   

• How to make a man do what you want him to do – and make him think it was his idea!  (See page 23).
   

• How to influence or shape your man's opinion with the power of words -- even if he doesn’t see the need to change.  How you influence him will affect his behavior toward you -- for better or for worse.  (See page 97)